Layoffs, pay cuts, furlough days – these are tough times to be working in an office. When the stress of the recession seeps into your cubicle, you’ll find yourself longing for happy hour. When 5 o’clock finally arrives, it's time to gather up your co workers and head to the bar. You’ve survived one more day without anyone realizing that the only thing you did was make three black and white copies (color was not included in your job description).
1. Showing Marty from HR that you can multi-task by drinking 4 at once will not get you a promotion, even if you tell him about the adult education course you are taking to learn color copying.
2. Splitting a check can be awkward, especially because you out drank everyone 3:1. Don’t let anyone from accounting get their hands on the bill – they will make you pay your fair share. Distract them by claiming that you’ve figured out the last digits of pie – “3.1415926you’reamoron.”
3. Office happy hour is not the place to find romance. Don’t make flirty eyes with your co-workers – make them with the clearly underage people sitting by the bar. Most of your fellow employee’s will deem you a “dirty pervert” when you end up taking one of them home, but the VP (a former frat boy) will secretly be impressed. He’s the only one that matters.
4. Don’t leave those stolen office supplies as a tip. You’ll be judged as “not a team player” when they see what you made off with, and the waitress doesn’t really want the 3 hole punch anyway (yes – we know it’s top of the line – she still wants your money).
5. Even though you truly love Battlestar Galactica and would love tell your office mates all about it, you just have to confront one of the sorry truths of life: no one cares.