We’re shocked how many non-drinkers the Times has writing for Proof (its new alcohol blog). They posed a debbie-downer round up of New Year’s Eve, supposedly the most alcohol soaked night of the year. Not for this group! We suggest, in 2009, they rename the blog Abstain. Some choice bits:
New Years’ Eve now means breaking out a bottle of Martinelli’s Sparkling Apple Cider and trying to stay up for the changing of the years, not always making it through, either. - Peter Holsapple
I am an adult child of an alcoholic. There are a lot of us out there. I was never a drinker. My job in life was the designated driver, the designated shoulder to lean on, the designated superhero to clean up the mess whenever it was needed. - Darrell Brown
Woo! Happy 2009! We’re saying that early because, based on the blog, we decided we’re going to have a noon game of Mahjong and then be off to bed before the ball drops.
We know that Proof is finding its legs, but they need to get more wobbly soon. There is a trove of material inspired by New Year’s Eve, and all of it does not relate to sobriety. How about the fact that this “biggest night of drinking” is also the year’s biggest amateur night? Everyone and their sober mother drinks tonight, and much wackiness ensues. Or, they should do a story about how we plan to hide from those sloppy crowds, sit in our bathtub, and drink. Once midnight comes, we turn the water on for a 2009 thrill.
Thank god we have Susan Vega to show us what a proper New Year’s Eve is supposed to look like:
My sister and I went to my ex-boyfriend’s house (the same man that had been my boyfriend 10 years before!) and we drank a lot and danced and had a lot of fun, until I sent her flying into the radiator under the window across the room.
Well done, Susan! The first thing we’re going to do when we step out of our bathtub is bash ourselves into the radiator. It finally feels like the New Year.