Think mixing beer and liquor produces a wicked hangover? Try following a presidential race for 2 years and waking up the next day to find that someone actually was “elected.” Ugh – anyone who imbibed that much political coverage is going to be feeling it, and we don’t mean hope. Here are some tips to help you survive the worst hangover of all, the one caused by a post election funk. We know you feel horrible, but remember it is partially your fault. You knew it was a bad idea to watch that much Chris Matthews. Just be happy you survived.
1. Don’t hesitate to reach for a hair of the dog – in this case Obama’s puppy- if you’re feeling racked by withdrawal. Just like a good Bloody Mary, a small dose of the sauce will help you feel more balanced the next day. Read a few fluff pieces about the new first canine with brunch. If you need a stronger kick, try grinding up The Cook Political Report and putting it in a banana smoothie.
2. Swear to never follow politics again. Yes, it was fun, you were into it hard and it seemed like it was the most glorious thing ever. Now that it’s over, everything else just feels horrible. How are you supposed to watch stories about boring things like the transition when you’re in such a state? Never will you let yourself get there again. Like any good post-hangover pledge, this one will go out the window faster than the promise to serve “six full years” in the Illinois senate.
3. Try eating lots of greasy food. This will accomplish two goals. It will settle your digestion and let you bask in the glorious, unhealthy goodness of the dishes. With lefties in control of both the White House and Congress, it’s just a matter of time before they ban bacon and eggs and enact the Help America Oat Act. Damn you granola lobby!
4. Sleep it off. If you have the luxury, stay in bed and get up when you’re ready to head to the next party. If you choose this strategy, be sure to have someone periodically rotate you. 2010 is a ways away, and those bedsores can be more viscous than a bunch of jerks stuck with a $150,000 clothing bill.
5. If all else fails – pick up the bottle – and drink through the pain. Follow the governing, remain engaged, and pound them back. You’ll feel better eventually (and admit it – we know you really enjoy it all – you ridiculous democracy lush).