On Halloween, there is a child inside all of us. For the average jaded New Yorker, that child rears its head on the run to Ricky’s: gotta find a sexy costume for a night of spooky parties. For the New Yorkers most bewitched by the holiday (i.e. crazy 60 year olds with rent stabilization), the child inside is the one they snatched from the stairwell and ate with a side of cat food.
There is no reason to be ashamed by this sense of innocence. Deep down, we all want to go trick or treating. This is nothing to feel embarrassed about, even if your favorite part is checking the candy afterwards for hidden razors (careful, we saw that crazy 60 year old loading up on Schick Quattro’s the other day).
Barfly has taken the liberty to provide some tips for trick-or-treating. Although we know we all want to, it’s not acceptable to go door to door like a 3 year old. Here are some sophisticated adaptations for the drunken 20 – 45 year old crowd. If you’re over 45 and need tips to figure this sort of thing out, you and your therapist have got a lot of work to do.
1. Wear a really scary mask (i.e. the grizzled face of an old alcoholic). When you spy a group of children who just knocked on a door, run up to them and scream, “Behold the ravages of age!”. Be sure to steal their candy as they run screaming with horror.
2. Try the new trend of reverse trick or treating – when people show up at your door pull a knife and demand fistfuls of miniature Three Musketeers.
3. Who really can eat that much candy? After collecting a few sweet morsels, switch to the good stuff. Start going from bar to bar and see if you can “trick or treat” yourself some free shots of Jager. If they refuse – don’t forget your vengeance. The trick, in this case, is not to toilet paper a tree, but a call to the Department of Health. “At first, I thought everyone was just dressed up like baby roaches, but then I realized they weren’t costumes at all!”
4. Remember – Trick or Treating should be thrilling. If you have trouble getting excited, try challenging yourself. How many bags of Reese’s can you steal before the security guard at Duane Reade catches on?
5. If all else fails, make it into a drinking game. While going from door to door, take one shot for every person you see dressed as Sarah Palin. You should be well on your way to Drunktown after about 3.2 minutes.
Happy Halloween you glorious, disgusting lushes!
People deserve very good life time and personal loans or bank loan can make it much better. Because freedom is based on money state.
Posted by: SandraKINNEY32 | July 12, 2010 at 10:53 PM