-Ladies and Gentlemen, a tragedy has befallen Drunktown: Zima has been discontinued. Yes, we may have been unfair to this fizzy/faggy beverage at times, but it was still part of the drunken family. We are sad to see it go. To carry on the memory, we’re holding a vigil all weekend. We mixed three bottles of Absolut 100 into a garbage can filled with sprite. We plan on inviting a few thirteen year olds over and ladling it into their mouths. Zima would be proud.
-Wine sales are beginning to be hit by the recession. A report by Morgan Stanley shows that domestic beer is on the upswing while vino is headed down. A financial analyst explains – “When a financial storm hits, luxury items are the first to go. Fancy-schmancy futures are down by 11%”.
-A Beer maker in Mexico came under fire for naming their brew after the “patron-saint” of drug dealers. Malverde Beer is named after Jesus Malverde. He revolutionized drug trafficking in the early days of the trade. The brewer shrugged off the criticism, claiming that the whiners “can only wish they were beheaded in a drug war.”
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