-Iowa Central Community College President Robert Paxton is forced to resign his post after a picture surfaces of him engaged in a mini-keg chug-a-thon. The pasty former president appears to be opening the spigot of the keg, which is held above a young girl’s mouth. Paxton claims that he had done nothing wrong, but the school board disagrees: “In the photo you can clearly see the keg is Coors Light – that sort of stuff might fly at a Vo-Tech high school, but certainly not this University,” said a board member, who then proceeded to chug a Sierra Nevada to “teach a lesson about quality.”
-McCarren Pool is no more. This concert venue hosted its last show, and closed down this week for a scheduled overhaul. They are replacing the venue with an actual community pool, slated to open next summer. While the local mangy hipsters are very upset, at least we know they will eventually get a bath.
-The Times published a piece on the upsurge of Low-Alcohol Beers. The brew makers have lowered the alcoholic content, delivering the taste without the tipsiness. Their target audience – beer drinkers who think they should be able to get the gut without the annoying nonsense of being drunk.
-Some guy gave some speech in some stadium. We’re not sure what it was all about – mainly because we passed out 5 minutes in (we were playing a drinking game where we were to chug every time he said “change” – wow did we get sloshed quick!).
-It’s a long weekend! We don’t know what your plans are, but on this Labor Day, be sure to make them extra fun. We plan on an exotic staycation – first it’s over to the Hawaiian Tropic Zone for some colorful cocktails and then on to Build-a-Bear where we will drunkenly build someone who will hopefully, finally, take us seriously.
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