Drunk British Tourists Gone Wild: European Vacation Edition

Talk about a libation vacation! There has been a growing chorus of complaints regarding British tourists on holiday in other European countries. Apparently, to the English men and women who make the jaunt across the channel, ‘on holiday’ means getting blasted and making as much of a drunken ruckus as possible (i.e. showing those dumb Greeks some bum!).

While normal visitors are busy doing boring things like scuba diving and “eating breakfast”, the British are showing us what the fun holiday activities really are: vomiting in the street, stumbling from balconies, getting horribly maimed, and (most fun of all) dying of alcohol poisoning. With this sort of vacation magic, their last words surely were “Tally-ho!”

The host countries are starting to grouse and some are considering ways to stem alcohol that flows toward these pasty tourists. Yawn. How can they think such fun is unacceptable? Cases in point –

-Two drunken British girls tried to beat an airline stewardess with a bottle of vodka and then attempted to force the airline’s emergency exit hatch open while in flight. They claimed that they “needed some air”. Don’t pass such harsh judgments. We bet the fellow passengers could have used some air too – after being witness to such hilarity they surely were out of breath from laughter.

-In 2006, 1,591 Britons died in Spain and over 2,000 were arrested there. Barfly would like to point out that such statistics are easy to misread – it is not clear that ALL of the deaths have to do with binge drinking. Upon further investigation we discovered that only 1,499 deaths had to do with alcohol – one was fatally wounded by spoiled goat cheese and the other’s cause of death was listed as “mysterious Basque related causes.”

-After a night at the clubs, a twenty-something British tourist excused herself and returned to her hotel room, where she gave birth. Yes, we understand there is a bit of impropriety here – no one knew she was pregnant, and the hotel was certainly not the place to secretly birth a child. That’s what the foam clubs are for.

The tourism industry blames the binging on obscenely cheap bar specials that are intended to get the travelers lubricated. While they admit that they do offer excellent bargains to lure the patrons in, the bar owners don’t think that it’s much of a problem. One operator explains “In 2007, 28 Britons were raped while in Greece. Come on, we can do better than that!”

Indeed – we believe they can! We believe in them so much, that we just booked tickets for our next holiday!

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