What was this metal mesh that filtered light through the bar at Veloce? We pawed at it – it reminded us of the hotel party we went to last weekend. Or this Wednesday.
Who knows what day it really is anyway? In any case, after trying every which way to open that mesh, we realized it wasn’t a mini-bar.
We had a seat and were quickly taken with this narrow wine bar’s quiet atmosphere. Just what we needed after too many nights at the mini-bar. We wondered – if we ordered a bottle from the list of Italian wines, might the bartender be kind enough to pour it into the delicate decanter that was adorned with a cat face? We decided on the Nebbiolo. He didn't reach for the kitty, pouring the wine into a normal glass instead. When he turned his back to us we hissed at him.
Always a fan of nostalgia, we were happy to take in the sophisticated vintage posters on the walls and the old foreign film playing on a TV in the back. With this opportunity to act like a gentleperson - we sipped our wine and quietly talked about how we might go about making off with the decanter. Enter your own cat burglar joke here.
Unfortunately our quiet planning was interrupted by a group of boisterous NYUers with popped collars. We politely told them this kind of a fashion statement belongs at the Jersey Shore, and they thanked our bartender and made their way out. Hissssss.
After our second bottle of wine, any of the numerous found-objects decked in different nooks of the bar seemed like satisfactory souvenirs. However, when our well-dressed bartender offered us a hunk of parmigiano we could no longer think such sticky-fingered thoughts. The trinkets were so well selected and the cheese was so decadent.
We concluded that stealing isn’t everything and decided to stumble out of Bar Veloce as well behaved adults. We retracted our claws, purred at the bartender and gave him a nice tip. Off to the hotel!
Review: Bar Veloce – 175 Second Avenue between 11th and 12th -
The metal mesh that so elegantly softens the light at Bar Veloce – 3 olives - We would have given it 4 but we mildly resent it for embarrassing us. It’s not our fault someone dripped acid into our eyes at that hotel party. It certainly LOOKED like the mini-bar. We hope the relapses will stop within a month or two.
Crowd of overzealous popped collar idiots – 0 Olives – What can we say except “Sir – put your collar down!” (Perhaps replace sir with moron? We are so exhausted from making all of the wit decisions).
Your own cat burglar joke – 3 olives – A few points for trying, but we know you could have done better.
Menu of Italian wines, cheeses and delicious sounding paninis – 4 olives - We would have tried a mouthwatering panini but we quite honestly are unsure of how to eat in a way that is not drunkenly devouring it with one hand and stealing shiny vintage items with the other.

The poor is hated by his neighbour, but the rich hath many friends.
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