While the vast majority of you are busy memorializing the fallen war dead by putting ketchup on hot-dogs, Barfly holds a lonely vigil for the brave soldiers in a drinker’s army. Reader, never forget, not even when the rest of the picnic decides that tapping that third keg is a great way to show. . . uh. .. patriotism, More hot dogs anyone?
Barfly’s Unknown Soldiers – May They Rest in Glorious Drunken Peace:
- That drink we spilled four days ago. It seems so fresh in our memory – the glistening tumbler, the enthusiasm to get to the front lines (i.e. our gullet). At least it went down with a fight – the shards of glass made it particularly hard to lap the precious alcohol off the floor.
-The Hog Pit, Fez, CBGB, and all of the other New York establishments that were mowed down by the rising price of rents. Realizing how lucrative it can be to force long standing-soldiers out of their embankments, Kenneth Cole has announced a plan to open a flagship location on the top of the Empire State Building – once they get that pesky “observation deck” thing kicked out.
- Sobriety – It’s been a long time since we’ve seen it – but we seem to remember it standing on the front lines of the Revolution, the battle of Gettysburg, and Little Big Horn. Indeed, we are only able to commemorate with such florid historical metaphor as we were sober during high school history class. Alas, this fighter was obliterated with a secret weapon: our fake I.D.
-History’s Anonymous Dead – There may not be books written about them, but we wouldn’t be here today without their efforts. It’s easy to write them off, but don’t. They may have been dressed in silly white plastic, but we’re sure those Storm Troopers had families too (robot companions count as family).
- Martini number 3. A noble soldier. He was finished off around 3:15pm. We spent some time mourning. Shed a drunken tear. We must be strong. We must move forward. Martini number 4 is being called up from the rear. The mourning period is over. We need reinforcements.
If you’re having trouble figuring out what drink best memorializes (it’s definitely not hot-dog juice), why not have yourself a moment of silence and an ice cold glass of Independence.