Going green is hard, ladies and gentlemen. We want to be genteel - but this idea of environmental mindfulness has such crass connotations in our world. Martinis may cost $3.50 a gallon - but we still pay. How else are we supposed to feel American?
This past Earth Day, we were trying to muster up the courage to finally give this green business a go. We wanted to help, to make a difference, but most importantly we wanted to be in the "cool kids" crowd. Even though we are currently ourselves a svelte-citizen, we still feel the urge to rush over and join these folks when they do something especially exciting (i.e. buy pogs, save the planet).
We got to the park and were appalled. The cool kids were planting trees. We could even breathe more clearly when we gasped in horror. If we wanted dirt under our fingernails, we would have been breaking ginger into pieces by hand. If anything could save this sorry planet, it is surely our naturally infused Sake-tini.
We were just about to stomp off when we remembered something very touching from An Inconvenient Truth: our portable bar. It just so happened that we were carrying just the thing to make Roly-poly Gore proud: 360 Vodka.
The first green vodka? Not only does it save the planet, it makes planting trees fun! When you dig two small holes and give up because you want another sip, you needn’t worry. They've taken everything into account. It’s made from 100% local Kansas grains, bottled in a stylish container that contains 85% recycled glass, and packed and shipped in eco-friendly containers.
Most importantly, the empty bottle doubles as a buoy for a polar bear in search of the next fleeting glacier (though, we fear it still won’t help Finlandia recover).
And the taste? As clean as the fresh, carbon-free air. To attain this level of air-quality, we had to encourage the cool kids to get to their planted tree quota. Believe us, they had to move to get their next martini.
But, when they were done with a forest of saplings, we were ready with a canopy of 360 cocktails waiting for them. There may have been ginger sap under our fingers for days, but we were proud to do our part. It’s a dangerous time for this planet, and 360 vodka is only the first, albeit glorious, step.