Last time we reached a delectable cocktail (namely .4 seconds ago) we felt that something was missing. What could it be? The glass was perfectly chilled. Filled to the brim. As we sipped, we had a feeling that the absent element could only be something shapely. A saucy obelisk? Some sort of delicious parallelogram?
Aha! Inspired by our own worldliness, we realized that the three-dimensional element that we so longed for was SPHERES!
As usually, Remy Cointreau rushed in to the rescue (just as he does when we start to have those feelings things and need some, well, let’s just call it “therapy”). The global spirits company recently decided that scooping heaps of actual caviar into drinks was too “nouveau riche”. How could they have the class without worrying about the illegal (albeit sexy) caviar smuggling operations in the former USSR? Thankfully, they came up with a solution that is fish free. And then, they did what they do best: packed it with alcohol.
Termed Cointreau Caviar, these libation filled balls can be dropped directly into your favorite cocktail. Think of them as the nails and screws that make an Irish car bomb that much more deadly. After spending a year perfecting the process, the edible balls (insert your own joke here, if you must) are making their way to the bars of Manhattan.
The company is slowly rolling out the product to high end bars and restaurants. There is a fear that terrorist cells could get their hands on the technology and savage the populous with retrofitted Jihad Caviar. The thinking is that this would be scooped into green tea and other non-alcoholic beverages - so as not to violate the Koran.
We asked the chairman of Remy Cointreau about the threat and received this response: “Terrorists? Using our spheres to attack? That doesn’t even make any sense. How many of those balls did you eat anyway?”
Well, we stopped counting after the third fistful. But, we are happy to announce that our cocktail is now full of the Cointreau Caviar, and our shape based desires are contented. You’ve done it again Remy. And, we can’t wait to sample the new product that we hear is on the way: Jell-o-shot pâté is sure to top even this!