Goodness. Another new year? Does anyone else agree that this passage of time business has grown tiresome? We feel like it was only yesterday that we had to put up with the teeming hordes of spectators waiting for the ball to drop and their resolutions to kick in. The only enjoyable bit of the whole evening is witnessing their resolutions fail .03 seconds later when they are herded out of Time Square and start gorging on vendor purveyed street meats. Chuckling “at least its not carbs” while slurping grizzle does not a resolution keep.
What does the crystal ball of 2008 whisper to us? A democrat in the Whitehouse, fame and fortune for Barfly, and those love handles of yours – not going anywhere. And why would you want them to? You’re good at something – gnawing meat off a stick on the corner of 49th and 8th is a real talent – especially with those salivating port authority bums lunging at you (note: street meat wooden skewer makes a good bum repellent weapon. Aim for their eye. Not the glass one).
There will be no street meats for us this New Year’s Eve. Everyone always wants to know what we’re doing on what is supposed to be “the most funnest day of the year ever”. And the answer? Nothing, save perhaps finding new friends that utilize proper grammar. New Year’s Eve is for chumps. And, for cousins of chumps (interestingly enough, a chump’s cousin is always named Tony).
We’ll be staying in and planning decadence and dominance (same thing really, but don’t tell Tony, lets he get it in his head that he’s all fancy and asks to be called Anthony) for 2008. But, we suppose that we wish our readers a Happy New Year. While our glorious website may be a timeless artifact of modern sophistication, we do understand that some of our readers do adhere to convention (i.e. the calendar year).
So, Happy 2008 gentle readers. Our only resolution this year is that when that ball drops, and the crowd in midtown lets loose a roar, our champagne glass will be raised, and our toast will be to you. If that resolution doesn’t work out, well, we guess we could stand to lose a few pounds. . . .