Barfly’s drink this week was inspired by a visit to one of our favorite culinary palaces: a New Jersey TGI Friday’s. Yes reader, please calm down. We heard you gasp over your Barolo reduction sauce and pan seared venison. We wouldn’t want you choking on your fancy food – you’ve already maxed out your credit card on that fennel sorbet desert. How on earth do you expect to pay the medical bills (you know those shifty Frenchmen waiters just love breaking ribs when they administer the Heimlich).
What makes a trashy chain restaurant the fodder for our drink of the week? Their mass produced burgers may be overcooked but their use of adjectives makes this week’s libation truly succulent. (Oh, and also tchotchkes. Barfly likes tchotchkes. Barfly LOVES tchotchkes when they’re stapled to the wall.)
Check out how Friday’s spices up some of the banal cocktails. Keep in mind that these would surely under whelm if they were served along side that Bruni endorsed Goulash that you had to wait 3 years to taste:
The Long Island Iced Tea becomes the ULTIMATE Long Island iced tea.
The typically fruity (in more ways than one) Mango Berry Daiquiri becomes the ULTIMATE Mango Berry Daiquiri. Take that gay jokes!
The (yawn) margarita becomes the ULTIMATE Margarita. Also available as the ULTIMATE Margarita – Platinum. We’re not sure of the difference, but we suppose one appears on the kiddie menu.
Yes, we understand that it’s really only one adjective that our friendly chain is using to excite it’s patrons. You can sit there and scoff all you want as you sip your HALFHEARTED Pinot Noir and SLIGHTLY DISAPPOINTING BUT STILL DRINKABLE Sidecar. We’re going to happy town for a change. From now on, every watered down cocktail served in a glass as big as an infant’s head is going to be the ULTIMATE experience of our sorry existence.
Drink of the week: The Ultimate Whatever (why did we have to choose that moment to spill martini on the caps lock):
One pint glass full of your favorite bottom shelf brand.
A favored thesaurus.
Those precious moments dolls that grandma gave you when she started to lose it.
Pour favored alcohol into pint glass with ice. Look up as many synonyms for ULTIMATE as you’d like and say sentences like “This is the DEFINITIVE drink of my adulthood. This is the GREATEST crappy cocktail that I’ve had in the past hour. I am at the APEX of drinking, boo-yah!”
For a true Friday’s feel, haphazardly adhere moments dolls to walls. Admire them. As you finish off your cocktail, take a moment and reflect. “That precious moment doll does remind me a bit of my graduation. It was the ULTIMATE accomplishment. I’m really, uh, glad where everything ended up. Yeah, um, I guess. Wow, I think its time for another drink. ULTIMATE!!!”
in which case
distressed skinnies would look great with your Red Wing shoes.
Posted by: nike free run | December 07, 2010 at 07:30 PM