Barfly has noticed a disturbing trend among our consumption compatriots. A recent rash of quitting seems to have taken hold. And its not the kind of quitting that we’re used to – that is, using passive-aggression to weasel out before we even try. “Uh, a sunny afternoon of basketball? How morose. How about you instead come over and try our new bloody mary mix? It’s extra spicy. . .”
No, this is the type of quitting that actually involves changing your actions. How curious.
The same sentiments have been echoed by numerous folks these past few weeks. Cases in point:
“Oh, Barfly, I’m going to quit smoking. I haven’t had a puff since our recent outing.”
“You know, that violent vomiting episode in the corner of the Duane Reade really wasn’t pleasurable. I’m not going to drink whisky anymore.”
“I sure wish I didn’t kill that meerkat. No more passing out while watching Animal Planet.”
“Wow, what a hangover, I’m not going to drink for the next TWO DAYS” (Added emphasis is ours, as it is impossible to have actual speech issue as bolded caps. Yes, we know the jury is still out on Japanese teenagers, but we’re talking about those of us who aren’t in the midst of a dance dance revolution).
We’ll, we’re tired of getting texts the next morning with the aforementioned poo-poos. Not to mention that we’re tired of getting texts in general. What did we buy that flock of carrier pigeons for anyway? Their inherent yummy-ness? We think not, though a little garlic may do the trick.
So, we’re going to start a new service for our gentle and misguided readers who have “seen their mistakes of their horrible ways” and want a “change in their soul-less lives.” Whenever you have a moment of doubt, you can happily call the Barfly hotline and we’ll walk you away from the edge. What better thing to provide than help to quit the nastiest habit of all: quitting. We don’t want to be alcoholics anonymous, now do we? We want to be alcoholics numero-unos!
How to call the hotline you ask? We suggest clicking those google ads over there and then perhaps clicking them again. If you still feel as though you’re going to go through with this nascent business, we suppose you can go ahead. We know it’s all a game; we all love to kill meerkats underneath. Just check back and we’ll have you drunk on our delicious musings in no time. We suppose that before then, its ok to feel as though you’re making “progress”. Its amazing what gets some people going.
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