Remember the days when secrets could actually be kept? Come on kids, it wasn’t that long ago. Barfly looks back to a time when “blog” was a mere nonsense word, on par with “lickblic” and “splenda”. Things went on behind locked doors, gossip traveled only as far as the white picket fence, and Rosie O’Donnell was hurling koosh balls at her audience, in a decidedly non-lesbian-like way.
Things have changed, and we know it all now. Over stimulated with information, we’re still trying to figure out if TomKats make friendly pets, not to mention what really went down on The View (we vote for stomach stapling). Isn’t knowledge exhausting? Barfly thinks so, and that’s why it’s important as ever to find a fake secret and hold onto it for dear life. We thought about pretending to know the “meaning” of existence but this seemed like way too much work (and we didn’t want to go around disappointing Christians, aren’t they adorable with their Jesus).
We decided that a secret bar that everyone knows about would do just dandy to keep us afloat in this over informed age. Even better, our secret bar is decked out in luxurious style bootlegged from the Prohibition era. It must have been a great time to be alive. Drinking was everyone’s secret. If one were to blab about it they’d be sent down the river faster than you could say “Get a wiggle on, ya dumb Dora”.
We won’t tell you where it is, that’s between you and Google elves. We will tell you that it’s the perfect bar to toy around in while pretending that you’re onto something special. Try to ignore the groups of local “men” who are wearing “shorts” and other patrons who somehow found the entry to the alley way and were admitted to this special place.
It’s not the crowd that matters. It’s the fact that you can sit back and if only for a few moments feel transported to another time, a simpler time, a secret time. With this atmosphere, you almost forget that you have Dustin Diamond’s sex tape waiting for you on your hard drive.
The Back Room – Go ahead, just try to find it.
Glassware – 5 olives – With everyone drinking from teacups, its easy to pick up someone else’s cocktail and quickly take a sip. In modern times this is called “unhealthy binge drinking”, but in a classic 1920’s haunt, this is nothing more than the ‘ol switcheroo.
Selection of Bootlegged Alcohol – 4 olives – We always suspected Tanquery was made in somebody’s bathtub. Rangpur is actually a synonym for “drain hair”.
Doorman –1 olive – We didn’t realize fashionable 1920’s style included XXXXL Fubu Jerseys . A dapper gent, he was.
Transporting us to another time – 4.5 olives – Because everybody loves a secret. We couldn’t get to the maximum 5 with this one. As cumbersome and annoying as all of this public sharing can be, we really want to see Screech’s dong.
Hi, Found a cool news widget for our blogs at www.widgetmate.com. Now I can show the latest news on my blog. Worked like a breeze.
Posted by: Mark Vane | June 23, 2007 at 01:53 AM
Triad theatre --please come see the fun show
january 13th , 2010
830pm
Tiffinni Saint Ranae
her band and dancers
830 pm
www.youtube.com/tiffinnisaintranae
Posted by: hottest ticket in town is free! | January 08, 2010 at 01:26 PM