Female drinkers have a helpful new way to tell if that thing in their blind date’s teeth is from their morning bagel or their secret evening butt munching. Adding to the “sound the homo alarm” cocktails currently being poured (AIDS, oops, we mean Apple-tini), Raphael Yakoby has come up with Nuvo, a drink geared toward the discerning female bargoer.
In making a woman’s drink, Yakoby used focus groups to tap into their innermost needs: “Group after group of woman talked about loads of things they wanted to see in a drink. Regardless of age, regardless of income, they all ended up coming back to the same two topics: cranberry juice and cock.”
Yakoby had recent success hypnotizing the African American market with his Hpnotiq liqueur. “It was a huge success – the patrons were happy because they got to drink incredible hulks; the bartenders were thrilled because they got to stop making strawberry daiquiris.”
When Barfly pointed out that some may be “intimidated” by the bottle's shape and girth, Yakoby disagreed. “No, that’s the point – they have a few sips of the drink, and that shit just slides right in.”
Nuvo retails for $32.99 for a 375 ml bottle and $43.99 for the more upscale vibrating 400 ml.