Booze in the News: Say Bah! to Bottle Service

NyBarfly grows weary, ladies and gentlemen. Another Sunday Styles section and another article about this silly “bottle service” business that is bridge and tunnelfying our beautiful New York nightlife.

Bottle service surely is the pestilence of the current bar world. On a positive note, every decade has come with its own Ebola like outbreak and we’ve always survived.

70’s – The crack whores and pimps may be cool cats in retrospect, but we much prefer to be mugged at knifepoint by someone who has at least a majority of their teeth.

80’s – All those poor people got AIDS from snorting too much coke. That’s how it’s spread, right?

90’s – Our immune system was hearty enough to endure the glow sticks and massive pants of the ecstasy generation. Also, we’re glad that the internet bubble burst as we remember there was a growing movement that intended to replace drinking with virtual drinking.

Today – Global jihad. Terrorist attacks. Myspace Predators. But, worst of all: bottle service.

So, what to do, ladies and gentlemen? We thought about issuing a call for a bottle boycott, but we decided that the dozens. . . ahem. . tens of thousands of NYBarfly readers simply wield too much power.

So, we decided on the following two pronged strategy. The article today talks about bottle hosts – they are apparently the most important people in the modern day club world as the bouncers are too busy covering up their felony convictions and the waitresses too busy having sex with the bouncers. So, we just want to suggest something to end the scourge of bottle service. We have to be delicate here so we’ll use a code that only our readers are sure to understand: MURDER MOST FOUL.

If you are a federal prosecutor who happened to crack the code above- HAHAHA – just kidding! (If you are a dedicated NYBarfly *wink wink* about the federal prosecutor business).

On the other prong, Barfly will do what we do best: Sit on our luxurious sofa and passively type jokes into the typepad template that we call home. Bottle service is doomed!!!!