Dear Drunky: The Sophisticate's Way to Powder a Nose

Dear Drunky,

It seems I’ve run into a bit of a problem.  The last time I was having a ‘tickle fight’ *wink* *wink* with my boyfriend from behind it broke my favorite fingernail….the one that serves as my ticket to partying in public. I need an alternative pronto!

Also, is it normal to have tickle fights in which he has me tape my breasts down and calls me Robert?

Yours Truly,

Skiing in Bar Bathrooms

Skiing,

I’m sorry to hear of your inconvenience. While I will not speculate on your boyfriend’s sexual orientation (we will leave that to our friends at the Gay Men’s health crisis), I do have some popular snifters that will hold your after dinner drink of choice.

Pen caps make a fabulous scoop and they are quick and indiscreet.

How about a hair clip? If you forgot yours on your boudoir, perhaps you can borrow one from your boyfriend …hee haw!

A one hitter is the perfect way to go. You can always purchase these at the head shops staffed by hippes. If you are allergic to hemp and can’t visit these stores - make your own! Hollow out a Bic and sniff the tip. Rumor has it the pen will still write afterwards. This is good news for you. You should write your phone number down for any gentlemen that will look at your chest without fantasizing over the cosmetic advantages of mastectomy.

If none of these options seem attractive…well, there’s always glue. A mini Elmers costs 99 cents. A little bit of budgeting never hurt anyone, yes? And, if you go with a more industrial strength you’re sure to meet some macho men at the hardware store. Perhaps you can “brown bag it” with them for lunch. Of course, by brown bagging it, I mean have conventional heterosexual sex –missionary position and none of that pesky virus that causes AIDS.

Have fun exploring until Mother Nature decides your punishment for indulging your boyfriend is over and your tool grows back. Tell your boyfriend that we’ll catch him on the flip side!

Drunky 

Comments

[ACokeAndASmile]

The filter end of a Parliament cigarette has space between the end of the paper and the start of the filter, which makes a lovely little scoop. The upside? You can really even do it on the street if you so desire. The downside? The next cigarette you light up will be a Parliament.