What do sober people do with themselves? Barfly has been pondering this question lately in our ever continuing quest to alleviate ennui (both ours and yours, gentle reader). When all the bars and the liquor stores and the back alleys of the city seem “whatever” – what is there to do with ourselves? Perhaps take a dip into one of the many happenings that entertain the world of “constructive” individuals who aren’t sauced every evening?
We had to use a little bit of deductive analysis to figure out where on earth these folks go.
Constructive individuals don’t drink
Everywhere in New York serves booze
Children aren’t allowed to drink and can’t go to places that serve booze.
Children like clowns.
Constructive individuals go to the circus.
So, we found ourselves ready to get drunk on the joy of seeing a woman hobble around on stilts at the Big Apple Circus.
After two hours of flashing, banging and Asian men in body stockings, Barfly felt strangely empty. The mirth filled circus of the sober world is from Barfly’s perspective a shrug inducing display in which children won’t shut up with their clapping. Damn. Incessant. Clapping.
What is left for ennui filled barflys other than the bottom of a martini glass and then the bottom of an ice cold grave? We’re so quickly being jaded that not even a three legged dog interests us.
As we exited and walked back to drunktown, we came up with our own ideas to improve the circus. We have yet to decide if this is going to be the start of a revolutionary new fun-ifying of sobertown or if it’s just a sign that all is lost for us NYBarflys. In any case, we’ve decided that visiting the world of “constructive” individuals is no place for us. That’s why, to connect back with our roots after the show, we doused $134 in gin and threw it burning onto the street. Watching strangers scramble into traffic to catch burning money – now that’s the greatest show on earth.
NYBarfly’s Circus improvement checklist
1. The trapeze have to fly through the air while blindfolded and smoking.
2. Instead of getting a cup of water in the face after doing something naughty, the clown gets shot.
3. Shouts of “take it off” to the dancing girls are heeded. (All of it)
4. The horses in the horse show sure loved to run around in a circle. We would rather have seen them sent into the audience to battle for their lives. Perhaps with cobras on their backs.
5. Asian Acrobats should have large painted letters (A,B,C) on their body stockings so audience can tell them apart.